When it comes to stigma, I feel
that we all have certain kinds of stigma we worry about being labeled as. A
common stigma for boys is to be seem as weak or unmanly. The video and reading,
“There's Something Absolutely Wrong With What We Do To Boys Before They Grow
Into Men” and “11 'Girly' Things Men Wish They Could Do Without Judgment” does
a great job at analyzing how this stigma affects males. I am often too focused
on all the unfair advantages men have over women in society that I don’t stop
to think of their struggles. In the article, they pointed out how it is easier
for women to get away stigma-free wearing masculine clothes that it is for men
to wear feminine clothes and act ‘girly’. This is so true, in women’s fashion,
we have boyfriend jeans and can wear pantsuits- but if a man wore a dress, he
would be seen as a cross-dresser and would most likely not be accepted by most
of society as a male. They would categorize his as transgender, even if he identified
as a straight male and just enjoyed wearing dresses.
One aspect of the ‘be a man’
mentality that really bothers me is that they are discouraged from showing
emotion and being sensitive. Men have the potential to be just as sensitive and
emotional as women but the fact that society frowns upon these type of men and
our quick to stigmatize them as weak or gay, causes them to turn those feelings
into anger and frustration. I feel that this is part of the reason why most
rapists are men. If we didn’t put so much pressure on boys to prove their manhood
and strength, maybe we wouldn’t have so many instances of violence from men.
The articles and videos this week
made me realize just how strong of an influence society has on young boys. My
brother is two years older than me so growing up we were pretty close. My
parents raised my brother and I the same way and made a conscious effort not to
use language like ‘be a man’ or ‘act like a lady’ so as not to make us feel
pressured to act any other way than our natural personalities. They taught my
brother it was okay for him to cry and be sensitive- my dad leading by example
as I have actually seen him cry more than my mom and is a very sensitive and
caring man. This seemed to work well with my brother up until he got into
school. I remember we used to play dolls together and he would dress up in my
dresses, but once he realized that that was considered ‘gay’ or unmanly, he
quickly stopped. Before he realized that boys were not ‘supposed’ to play with
these girl toys he enjoyed it, but once he learned it was not cool, he no
longer wanted to play. Even with open-minded parents who encourage their son to
be sensitive and caring, the fear of being stigmatized as unmanly is stronger
and ultimately won.
I really enjoyed your own personal experience with stigmas men face and your brother. I think that it was really awesome how careful your parents were to raise you both the same, and not enforce sayings that pressured you or your brother to behave a certain way. This way you could both grow up following your true selfs. However your story also showed a really important aspect of stigmas: they are enforced through so many different mediums. No matter how careful a parent is in raising their child, they will never be able to keep them from the biased society and culture around them. Our socialization happens through peers, school, media, other adults, etc. Not only are there these other forces, and no matter if you are around like-minded individuals who also try not to enforce these gender roles, things that impose gender roles are not always obvious, but can actually be very subtle. For example, children’s books. While perhaps a parent may read the same books to both their female and male child, it has been found that main characters in books are often male and boys are often depicted as adventurous, confident, independent, the hero, whereas girls are often depicted as more submissive. When I learned this about children’s books, I was surprised because growing up I read a lot of books and I felt like I had a wide range of adventure, and mystery, and I thought it was pretty cool that it was encouraged for me to read these books. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that these books were often considered “boy” books, I wasn’t necessarily the norm, and that all these adventurous books had boy main characters with possibly a girl love interest. Your experience, and my experience both go to show that gender roles are pervasive, no matter how much you might try to avoid them.
ReplyDeleteYour family is a clear of example of how we should act towards one another, kudos for you and your family. Unfortunately in our society, especially here on our country, we are more scrutinized and penalized when we act or dress outside the social norm. Society places these labels on people when they do not understand a person’s character or their choice of outfit. The stigma put upon them because they are expressing themselves differently, it will undoubtedly cause unnecessary stress that may lead to depression. Nowadays, we have social media and cyberbullying as methods to attack either a boy who plays with dolls or a girl who dresses like a boy. Many individuals never find a safe place from the harassment and believe that their only solution to escape is suicide. We as social justice advocates can educate individuals in our schools, neighborhoods, and family meetings of the harm we may place on others when we make fun of or force individuals to act according to their gender. We can educate others of the harm we place when we stigmatize people for their ways of personal expression, and we can educate others to support that it is okay to show vulnerability and cry in front of others. We can show others that it is okay to show support in their children’s development to either play with dolls or construction toys. Your family is a model of how we should act in the presence of others when we are vulnerable and they are model in how they refrain from putting typical gender roles on their children.
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